I am REALLY FRUSTRATED by them......they are not setting a good example for the juniors. They create noise, havoc during practice, no matter how much i try to keep them quiet, my words to them seem to turn to deaf ears.....though wanglaoshi doesn't seem to be bothered by them, but i can and feel that he's vry fed up just that he sort of give up on them le and rather concentrate on those who are keen to learn.
Why can't they be more understanding? As my friend, can't they be more understanding? Why a re they so selfish?They are putting me in a difficult position. I hate to scold them in front of all the dancers, as their friend i really don like to punish them. However, as a cca ldr, i have to fufill my responsibilities....haix 左右为难，进退维谷。我夹在友情和责任感之间，既不想破坏与他们之间的友情，又不想使整个团的素质每况愈下。昨天俊凯跟我讲，团的纪律现在很差，素质也一直在掉，团员也不团结。他越讲我越觉得自己是千古罪人......我觉得是我把这个团带垮的....虽然不是我在搞破坏，但我身为cca ldr 没有做好自己的工作，使这个团越来越散，我愧对所有的老师们, 我愧对所有的师兄师姐，我愧对所有对我有很高期望的朋友..........
我骂也骂过了，罚也罚过了，我实在想不出什么法子来解决这个问题。每当cca day 来临时我都很怕，我都会感到很压抑。因为我感觉自己又得一个人面对着整个团，面对着老师们的期望。我又担心自己达不到他们的要求，担心自己会做错什么。我已经被批评很多次了，ineffective, powerless, missing link....我感觉这些口语每天都在我的耳边响起，痛击我的玻璃心，使我产生很大的恐惧感和愧疚感。
更可怕的是，我感觉自己像个孤家寡人，all my level guys, committee members are not motivated to contribute, to do their part. 他们的心已经不在这个团了。一个没有手下，没有士兵的将领如何打胜仗？如何确保团在正确的轨道上发展？连我的好友李恒都变得爱理不理，越来越爱slack. 这对我一点帮助都没有，只是增加我的恐惧感。最让我觉得很冤枉的是，因为你们不负责任的行为，我得背这个黑锅，成为千古罪人，被泼一头污水，被骂无能！
我已经在尽一切努力来避免舞蹈团垮下去，但我不知道自己还能支撑多久。这几日我发现铅笔盒里的所有笔都开始没有笔墨了，pen no ink, highlighter all no ink。这是不是在象征着，我身体所剩的那一点微薄的力量也即将消耗殆尽呢？
最让我痛心的是，每当cca来临时，我都得把自己最脆弱，最软弱的一面展示在你面前，这更加打击我的自信心，让我觉得自己没希望了.......
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