screwed up world

came back from medan last night.

played the piano for half a day today....i wanted to dedicate the song endless love to my family, my friends, and my buddies in Medan. Though most of them may not be able to hear it, i just hoped they could feel how appreciative i was towards them.

The medan was very meaningful. Made many new friends, had lots of exciting and fun experiences. I thoroughly enjoyed it. 我真的开阔视野了。Through the trip we really learn to appreciate the people and things around us. We discovered how fortunate we were in Singapore, we manage to experience how life is like in some of the poorest districts in Indonesia.

I felt that the trip was very well organised, i really want to thank the teachers Mr liu, Mr Imran, Mr Oh, Mr Yeo, Ms Choo, and Ms Lee. They made the trip very enjoyable and special for us. I love how the reflections were carried out for us. It really benefited us helping us to learn a lot of things.

I also would like to thank the Singapore Piaget Academy students who 招待 us. They were very very friendly, helpful and respectful. Throughout the journeys they were our translators helping us to solve the problem with our language barrier. I really admire them, they can speak malay, english, chinese and hokkien VERY fluently. DAM PRO right? Habert, Andrew, Kenny, Nadia, Nathania, Sherlyn, Griselda, THANKS for helping us and spending so much time with us these few days. Cya in Singapore!

During this trip the cip experience really left a deep impression in me. The environment the orphans were living in, the way they treasured what they get ( clappers from big walk which we throw away.), the way the treasured pepsi like holy water. I was really touched and shameful. All these just left me with a lot of things to ponder with.

This trip to medan, i witness the low standard of living that many indonesians are experiencing. The frequent blackouts at our resort, the dirty streets of Medan that are covered with litter, the polluted rivers, our bus that was polluting the air with the huge amount of carbon monoxide it was excreting, and the list goes on.

I also visited a museum containing more than a thousand species of animals. Take note not living animals ah all dead ones. Though the exhibits look real, only the skins are real. The skins are taken from dead animals or those killed by hunters. I saw the many pictures of the owner of the museum with the dead bodies of many animals that were killed by him. I do not know why he find killing them such a glory. In fact i find it pathetic that nowadays we have to go to the museum to look at all these non-living animal exhibits as the number of living animal species in the world is decreasing fast due to the non-stop killing of wild life by humans.

Then in the newspapers i read back in singapore, the news i watched on tv, reports of oil spills, explosions, volcano erruptions, floods, kids under age of 3 smoking, the non-stop killing of whales happening in Japan. AND THE LIST GOES ON TOO!

I really feel that the world is seriously screwed up now. If we do not start to seriously protect wild life, protect our environment, we will get our retribution and that is end of the world!

really want to discuss more issues and reveal more of my thoughts but its late now i gtg le so i shall end my post here gd nitez and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to myself! :D

once again thanks to all for the happy memories you all gave me in medan i miss you guys :D:D

hols are here but i am not happy at all

i could not control my feelings at parent-teacher meeting today....i just let my tears flow in front of huanglaoshi and my mum.....

leaving for medan tmr morning. will be back on the 28th. haix becos of this trip i have to miss 三步一拜. i did not expect to miss it. How i know the trip suddenly push back one day. Or else i surely go for the event. Its once a year and its so meaningful. For the past few years i have been attending it and i really enjoy the experience.

sch hols have arrive but don noe y i am not excited at all. Maybe is the thought of not being able to see her for almost a month.....

Have to work hard on my maths and physics during the hols le cannot disappoint my parents and teachers anymore. I wish everyone an enjoyable and fruitful holiday. Hope that medan no earthquake no volcano erruption for nxt 7 days ;) cya guys.....

Exercise the whole day

Today was our school's YOG carnival. 4B did very well got first for frisbee competition, second for relay run and recieved an excellence award. I played the first frisbee match which we lost and took part in the relay run. I sprint through out the 450m and to me, its the most exhausting 450m i have ever run before.

In the afternoon, yingfeng was quite slack, we did not even dance yingfeng just revised mass display moves. After we were dismissed at around 3pm, me, junming, vincent, ruyan and shaun went to play basketball till 5. Then, zixin and peiyao joined us, we went mama shop ate some food and chitchat. After that we played soccer with a ball we found lying around till 6.30. We suspect is the ball used for water soccer today. Sianzz mentioning water soccer, i did not have the chance to play it today, what a waste i can see that its very fun and would be a great experience since its the first time i heard of water soccer as a football fan.

Haha today dismissed at 12.30 but went home at 6.30. Regardless of the time, regardless of how tired i feel now, i feel that today was quite fun, especially hanging out with the dance guys, bonding with them really feels shiok. We treat each other with respect, we care for one another, we are true towards each other. This is really the type of behaviour, type of culture i want to spread to everyone.

Gotta go to do hw le nitez ppl.

self examination

Few days ago i watched a video on Arsenal's board meeting with some of their most loyal supporters. In the video, arsenal's chief executive Ivan Gazidis discussed and shared about the major issues that arsenal faced in the 2009/2010 season. This session was conducted after Arsene Wenger and the board evaluated arsenal's season as a whole, and went through a period of self examination to see what went right and what went wrong.

After watching the video, i feel that there is a need for myself to go through a period of self examination as well, given that the first semester is coming to an end and almost half a year has past.

This half a year hasn't been really a good one for me. I went through ups and downs (more downs obviously) , my grades are not satisfying, this half a year in dance was also quite difficult, and there are lots of small things which i feel that could have been done better. There are many issues, many events, many things in my head that cause me to be distracted from my studies and at the same time, have a huge amount of frustration inside me. At many occasions, i lack the self belief, the motivation, the perserverance, the sharpness and concentration to do things.

I am also living a very unhealthy life, sleeping late, waking up early. The black circles i have around my eyes really make me hate looking into the mirror. The lack of sleep is also affecting my memory. I can feel the difficulty in remembering things now, i tend to forget a lot of things very easily.

I really feel that this half a year has changed me a lot. I am not the Jun Weng i used to be. The Jun Weng that has a lot of self belief, the Jun Weng that has high self esteem, the Jun Weng that is clear of what he's doing. For example, in the past few years, coming to my niche areas like chinese, history, china studies or even maths i would be very sure of myself, i would be very confident. However this year, after suffering a few setbacks i realise that i am beginning to doubt my capabilities, i begin to doubt my answers. No matter what i do, i feel the need to double check. Especially when doing maths and physics, i am struggling to keep up with the pace of the others.

Perhaps, this year, i moved house, i moved to a new school site, i moved to an unfamiliar environment. Now, i live further from my relatives, my close primary school friends, my tuition mates and so on. All this factors may have contributed to my failure for this half a year but to me, all this are nothing but excuses. For me, in life, in order to be successful, we really must be able to face all sorts of situations, environments and challenges.

Therefore i really feel the need to improve, to pull myself out of the bad state i am in. Due to my hectic life i really need to manage my time better so that i won't have to always burn midnight oil. I need to be mentally stronger when facing challenges. I also need to put in more effort on Maths and physics though most of the time i really don see the point in learning them.

Arsenal's policies are aiming for long term success, to ensure that the club can be successful for the next 5years, 10 years or even 20 years. Their self sustainable model of running the club ensures that Arsenal will be financially stable for years to come. Though we cannot see the fruits of their labour yet but i am sure that they are on the right path.

The same theory works for us. We should work for the future, think further, look further. In chinese we call it 高瞻远瞩。I feel that many of us just focus on the result at present, without considering about what may happen in future. We should focus on our aims and targets and not be too affected by the results of other things. That's why i really admire Desmond's drama teacher. He wasn't really concern about his results in school. He drop out of school to focus on his dreams and aims, that's why he is successful now.

For me, i am going to learn from Arsenal's policy to focus on long term success. So long as i tried my best, even if i do not do well in physics and maths i am not going to brood over it for long. Instead i am going to focus on my niche areas, my interests and my long term targets.

I guess there are also positives to take from the past six months. I feel that i am more mature compared to last year after going through so much. I also benefited a lot from OBS-learnt a lot of life skills that I cannot be exposed to in school, and discover some of my strengths. I also managed to find out a lot of my weaknesses as a leader of dance society and lastly i managed to make myself love piano and in fact use it to distress.

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Last thurs watched iron man 2. The graphics and high tech stuff were quite impressive however i felt that overall it still lose out to IP MAN 2. The storyline was quite disappointing.

Friday, cca was much better, i felt that our mass dance did improved though it is still far from sulaoshi's expectations. We know there is still much room for improvement, hope the dancers will continue to work hard and prove that they are capable of producing results.

Yesterday was a close shave for me. On my way back from JP i left my wallet on 240 bus. My ez link card, ic, 40 plus bucks and many other cards were inside the wallet. Luckily i went to the bus stop opposite my house to wait for the 240 to return since i regconize the driver. After waiting for half an hour the bus returned and a 好心人士 had found my wallet and passed it to the driver. 谢天谢地，我失而复得. Really grateful to the person that found my wallet.......He/She saved my parents and I a lot of trouble. Or else i would have to go to the police station to report loss, go to bus interchange report loss and spend a few hundred bucks to get a new ic, new ezlink card bla bla bla.......

Today spent most of the time practising piano.....gotta go do some work le nitez :D:D

Tmr getting back physics result during first period....getting back translation result during last period.......GG..... T.T

you will always be in my heart............

5月7日将成为我心上永久的一道疤痕

魔鬼星期过去了，但它将给我留下永久的阴影。照讲，这个星期我熬过去了，我应该感到轻松，感到自豪但老天爷似乎不肯给我喘息的机会。他今天又给了我致命的打击。不知这场恶梦要延续到什么时候？

我现在真的很想哭，但不知为什么我就是哭不出来.....我只能感觉到剧烈的疼痛，犹如被万箭穿心一样。今天，上完舞蹈课我收到小学同学的 sms 写道：英语真恐怖。Yes 爷死，Nice 奶死，Bus 爸死，Must 妈死，Girls 哥死， This 弟死，Just 姐死, Miss 妹死，Niece 你死，Thus他死，Was 我死， Chest 全死，Guess 该死，Those都死，Quest快死，你说恐怖不恐怖。你说你该不该死？

这封短讯他寄来的还真是时候，我真的觉得自己的确该死。 这几天为了应付考试我都开夜车到半夜三更半夜才睡觉，睡眠不足5个小时。为此，母亲这几天一直都在为我担心，为我操心。我饿的时候，她准备东西给我吃，我渴的时候，她拿水给我喝。看我那么憔悴，看我的精神一天比一天差，她晚上也不能安心地休息，不断地起来查看我睡觉了没有。前天看她为我担心的样子我非常痛心，等她离开我房间后，我情不自禁地流下了几滴眼泪。我真的觉得自己很不孝，都已经长大了，还要父母为我操心。

现在，我应该躺在床上休息的，但我一闭上眼睛，今天下午发生的事情就会历历在目, 我会想着苏老师说的话， 听到Jack的冷笑....他们的反应我完全理解，这也是为什么我感到很内疚，充满歉意。我内心的愧疚感已经缠住我好几个月了，使我感觉到自己背着沉重的抱负，一直处在压抑的状态中，无法脱离苦海。

我努力着，尝试着独自承受这一切。我悲痛欲绝，但我在家人面前掩饰自己内心的感受，因为我不想让他们为我担心。因此我只能通过这个途径，来解压，来发出痛苦的呐喊。

无奈，无奈，我感到彻底的绝望.........

GO AND WATCH IP MAN 2!!!

As usual the past week was tough. Brooding over dance matters and my studies. I would like to thank my mother, desmond, teachers my piano and those who were always there to encourage me and inspire me. If not for you all, i really don know how to cope.

Surprisingly, i have been practising piano daily. Today i downloaded more than ten piano sheets, comprising of songs like viva la vida, hey there delilah, apologise and so on. damn excited, i watched some people play the songs on youtube and they sound really nice!! I have never loved playing the piano so much haha. But currently a few keys on my piano requires tuning cos when i pedal some of them cannot be heard clearly.....

Today, i watched a program on cctv4 introducing the shanghai world expo...wow CHINA and the participants have done a great job in preparing the world expo. The exhibits are really cool and special, i cannot wait to go to shanghai and see the exhibits. I am sure i will gain lot from visiting the expo.

In the afternoon i went to westmall with Baiqi, Xiangrong, xianghong and weihan to watch 叶问2. Its the best movie i have watched this year so far. The storyline, the action moves were all fantastic. I can fully understand why sulaoshi recommended us to watch the movie. Its so inspiring. I really cannot wait to pick up wushu again! 我很喜欢甄子丹 演的武打片，他身手敏捷，演得很出色，再加上经验丰富的洪金宝和黄晓明，释小龙等出演，整部戏很有看头，不乏搞笑片断和武打场面。叶问不愧是一代宗师，他为华人争回了一口气，赢回荣耀，弘扬中国武术。我很喜欢戏里的一句台词，就是叶问对那高傲自大的洋人拳手说：中国人习惯用香,不仅是为了计时,更重要的是体现中国人的谦逊。这句话展现出中华文化的精髓，体现了华人所追求的高尚品德，和自身修养。

After the show, went to eat supper with them and chit chat. I really enjoy hanging out with them, though i am a few years younger than them, the youngest out of the group, but chatting with them is really very relaxing, we all love 武术, since they are older, they share a lot of their study experiences, work experiences with me, I gain a lot from chatting with them. i cannot wait to meet them again. Haha to watch jackie chan's new film karate boy and help xianghong move house ;)

haix...after slacking today, i must prepare myself ahead for the toughest week of the term. i have four tests in three days nxt week EL, HISTORY，C LIT and worse of all PHYSICS! I am really short of confidence and motivation to do well for the tests but no choice i still have to face them bravely...13th may please faster arrive!!! I rather spend my valuable time on my area of interests....there are so many big events happening out there in the world why am i spending so much valuable time in school?

Nvm...time to get on with my work nitez :D

嗨．．下个星期无法见到你．．．对你有无私的牵挂．．．．．